


Trust me.

by RibcageMetaphor



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Gay, M/M, havn't decided on other pairings, queer
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-01-04
Updated: 2014-04-13
Packaged: 2018-01-07 12:01:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,917
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1119589
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RibcageMetaphor/pseuds/RibcageMetaphor
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU: Modern: All Eren wanted was a fresh start where no one knew him before he was Eren. He's never wanted to be a queer kid but once he accidentally gets involved with Team Queer (an LGBTQ organization), he begins to embrace his identity with help from his new friends and a certain dark haired introvert.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Introduce me.

**Author's Note:**

> this is an ereri fic, trust me. levi comes in the second chapter.  
> eren is transgender, female to male. he was born with a female body but identifies as a guy.  
> not every trans person is like eren and you don't need surgery to be trans and yeah google is cool or message me if you want but if you're mean i'll cry b/c too sensitive ok

  
I had been in Trost three months when she came. I was settled in my new apartment, job and college. I'd even made a friend; the first friend I'd had in years. His name was Armin, he was quiet but we got along really well.  
  
Life wasn't a mystical fairy tale or anything, but it's not like I ever expected it to be. I didn't miss my home town at all though. They were all close minded there and treated me like I was some kind of monster. A bigger city was exactly what I needed. I needed to go somewhere new and large, where no one knew me before I was Eren.  
  
My sister, of course, did know me before I was Eren. Mikasa was extremely protective, even before our mother died a few years back. She didn’t agree with my choices because she believed I was throwing myself into an unnecessarily dangerous situation. It pissed me off like nothing else and she just shook her head when I tried to explain it all to her.  
  
She was at my door at 7am on a Friday. I didn’t have class until ten so I was sleeping when she noisily pounded on my door. I was beyond annoyed as I dragged myself to my front door, wondering who would ever want to see me at 7am.  
  
“Eren!” She cried; surprising me by not using my birth name for once. She gave me a quick hug before inspecting me with her eyes, “Have you been okay? Are you doing good here?”  
  
“7am? Really?” I muttered, rubbing my eyes, “I’m good. What are you doing here?”  
  
She took a deep breath and bit her lip, “You look a bit different.” She hesitated, “Did you get the-“

“Yes.” I answered quickly, deciding to spare her the discomfort I knew it caused her. “Only one of them.” She opened her mouth to say something out but I gestured to my small living room with my hand, “Want to come in?”  
  
We were both sitting on my beat up sofa when she asked, “Which one?”  
  
“I got top surgery, okay?” I replied in an annoyed tone. Answering her questions just felt like asking for her judgment. “Why are you here anyway?”

Mikasa let out a soft sigh, “I’m moving here. My friend helped me get a job.” She held my gaze for a moment, “I don’t want to be away from the only family I have left.”  
  
“I guess that means Dad stopped showing up.” Our father disappeared so much that it was hard to really consider him as a parent. I clenched my fists; thinking about him made me furious.

My sister shrugged, “We’re better off without him.” She looked at me again, “Have things been better here?”

“A lot better,” I answered hastily, “No one knows a thing; I’m just a normal guy.” I rubbed at the light stubble on my chin, “I have facial hair and everything now.” Getting a shot in the thigh every month wasn’t fun or anything but it was worth it. I had trouble getting the prescription transferred here from my home town at first but I didn’t get outed too many times in the process.

Mikasa gave me a sharp look, "I guess you're really doing this."

"You're only catching on to that now?" I retorted, averting my gaze, "It might take a lot of work, but it's worth it. I get to be the person I know that I am."

She sighed once more, "And you need to blow thousands of dollars to get there."

"I didn't fucking ask for this," I spat at her, standing up abruptly. "And it's my money. I can do what I want with it." Fighting with my sister before 8am was definitely new, but still just as irritating. I hated how she minimized this; as though I'm a silly kid acting out on a phase. None of this was simple. None of this would ever be simple. It'd be nice if my family would hold my hand instead of grabbing my neck.

My sister stood up now, "What's so wrong with being a girl? Why is that so awful?"

I groaned while putting a hand to my face, "This is not a sexist thing. This isn't even remotely close to a sexist thing." I shot her a glare, "You might understand that if you actually listened to me for once instead of just patronizing me."

"This is you wanting attention and being stupid. This world is unforgiving. How can you do this when you know you could get into trouble?" She shook her head, "Do you want to die so badly?"

I let out a curt laugh, "I'm transgender, I'm not going to war." Though they can feel pretty similar, not that I'd tell her that. I walked towards my kitchen, "I can take care of myself either way."

Mikasa followed me to the kitchen, she leaned against the counter as I began to prepare coffee. "So are you going to get the bottom thing then?"

I shrugged, "Maybe I will, maybe I won't. Either way, it's my choice." I poured myself a coffee, feeling far too sullen to offer her one.

We stood there in silence for a few moments. I took small sips of my coffee and my sister appeared to be struggling with what to say.

"I want to understand," She said tentatively, "I don't want us to fight all the time."

I was a little startled at her words but I nodded, "I don't want to fight all the time either."

Mikasa gave a quick nod, "I'll be settled here soon enough. We can talk more. I'll try to be more..." She paused, "Receptive."

"Okay," I responded, giving her a curious look. It might've taken a few years but late was better than never. I was sceptical as to whether she'd actually try or not but I was willing to give it a shot. I cared about my sister and it'd be nice to not want to strangle her every time we try to have a conversation.

She headed to the door, "I'll call you."

"Right." I felt relieved when she left but also slightly confused. I finished my coffee slowly, feeling the warmth fade away as I drank it. Letting out a much needed sigh, I headed to the bathroom and decided that a shower might be helpful.

I had my back to the mirror; not feeling strong enough to face my physical appearance head on. Once my shirt was off, I lightly traced the scars on my chest with my finger, memories of my surgery filled my head. It had been awkward, it had been painful but it had been worth it. I no longer needed to squeeze myself into a binder, I didn't have to obsess about hiding my chest anymore. It was freeing.

I got into the shower, appreciating the hot water against my skin. I found myself wishing I had been born male bodied once again. I hated how I felt about myself. I hated how things that were easy for most were hell for me. I just wanted to live the life I wanted. Having all these obstacles made me feel bitter and defeated. I ran shampoo through my hair and tried to spend the rest of my shower thinking about things that didn't cause hateful feelings.

Once I was dressed in a clean red t-shirt, I swiftly shoved my packer into my boxers and pulled on a dark pair of jeans. I let out a yawn as I returned to my kitchen and decided that doing some coursework in the college's library seemed like the most reasonable way to kill time.

\------

I was doing a two year course in Health and Human services at the local community college. The college had a nice campus and the library's chairs were so comfortable that I preferred to do work there then at my apartment. There were computers too and since I was living on an extremely fixed income, buying a computer for myself any time soon didn't seem like a huge possibility.

While  I was walking to the library from the bus stop, bag slung over my shoulder, I heard faint scuffling noises and someone gasping for air. I stopped for a moment, listening intently. I didn't know what I was hearing. I headed to the right once I heard someone cry out in pain and I could feel my walking grow brisker.

"I didn't say-" It was Armin's voice. He had to take deep breaths between each word. The way his voice sounded made my insides tangle up with anxiety.

I turned to the corner to see Armin getting a fist in his gut by a tall blond man, "Trying to ruin my life with your faggot-y ways?" He shoved Armin backwards forcefully, "I don't know what you think happened, but I am not on your gross level. I never will be."

Armin was breathing heavily; he was leaning against the wall. The other guy seemed to be running purely on rage.

I broke into a run now, grabbing the guy's fist as he went to throw another punch. "I think that's enough." I stated coldly.

His fist collided with my jaw. It hurt like a bitch. Getting punched in the face first thing in the morning seemed like the worst kind of wake-up call possible.

The attacker sneered, "I should probably go. Don't want to catch the gay." He laughed as though his comment was comedic gold.

"Fuck you!" I called out after him as he walked away from us. Who the hell fights people before 10am? The morning I was having made me wonder if I should've just stayed at home and spent the day with a good book. I turned to Armin and he gave me a grateful smile as I helped him stand up straight.

Armin winced and let out a shaky breath, "Thanks Eren."

"What the hell was that asshole's problem?" I muttered, cursing under my breath in the direction that the guy had gone. When I looked back at Armin, he was rubbing his eyes furiously. I felt more than a little awkward but I was also pretty concerned, "Hey, are you okay?"

Armin didn't meet my eyes, "F-For sure. Just a rough day." I could see the tears forming in his eyes.

"How about we skip class today and go get a coffee or something?" I offered, shoving my hands into my pockets. I hadn't missed any class yet this year and Armin looked pretty upset so I thought we could talk at least if it would make him feel any better.

Armin nodded, "Yeah. Sure."

I started walking to the closest coffee shop around here and Armin walked beside me silently. There were often times Armin and I just spend time together quietly but this silence felt different. It felt almost painful.

"So what was that about?" I asked, trying to sound casual but not like I was making fun of him.

He visibly swallowed. "I went to a party last weekend and some stuff happened." His voice shook as he spoke.

"Has he been an ass to you all week or just today?"

Armin wouldn't look at me, "Just today."

I was beginning to feel really worried about him. It seemed like something was really eating away at him. I knew the look on his face because I too often wore the same expression. "Could he not find you earlier...? I felt like a jerk so I quickly added, "Not that I woudn't think he was a dick if he had beat you up another day but-"

"He forgot about it," Armin stated plainly, "He only remembered because someone else who was at the party brought it up."

"Oh." I wasn't sure how exactly to respond but luckily we had reached the coffee shop. It was fairly paced because of the time of day but I told Armin to go snag a table while I bought our drinks.

As I was in line, I tried to think of what else to say. I had little experience with parties, hell, I had little experience with the whole friend thing in general. He probably needed to talk about it. I took a deep breath as I headed over to him with our coffees; he had gotten a table near a window and looked pensive as he stared out the window.

I set the drinks down and he turned to look at me. "Thank you."He shoved a smile on his face but it was strained.

"You can uh," I scratched the back of my neck, "Talk to me or whatever," I cleared my throat, "If you want to."  I quickly took a sip of my drink but it was still scorching hot so I looked a little ridiculous as I fumbled with the beverage.

Armin seemed to be having the same issue with his drink so he set it down. He folded his hands and inhaled a deep breath, "I'm gay, Eren," His words came out so fast I barely understood them, "I fooled around with a guy and he actually took the initiative but I guess he's straight or something."

"Sounds like it's his fault for being a confused dickwad," I commented, attempting another sip of my coffee. I was glad Armin felt like he could tell me about something like that but it made me scared that he'd expect the same from me. I knew there was nothing wrong with being gay or trans but I still didn't want people to know. I wasn't ashamed exactly, I just wanted to hide the parts of me that I hated most.

Armin blinked a few times, "Yeah. I suppose so." He looked down for a moment and then back up at me, "S-So you have no problem with me being gay?"

"Why would I have a problem with that?" I asked, drumming my fingers against my drink, "We get along, that's all that matters to me."

The smile that appeared on his face didn't look forced, "I'm glad we're friends."

I smiled as well, "Me too, Armin."

We sat in silence for a few moments, sipping our drinks and listening to the noises of a busy café. I felt like a lump had formed in my throat. Was it wrong of me not to tell Armin I was trans? Was that something I should've done? I didn't want to tell him. I didn't want to tell anyone. Half of the time I had a hard time even telling myself.

"Do you have plans tonight?" Armin inquired, pulling me away from my inner monologue.

I shook my head, I didn't have plans most nights.

"One of the co-founders of this group I'm in is having a party, we're called Team Queer-"

I spat up my drink a little, " _Team Queer_?" I asked incredulously.

Armin blushed, "We used to be called the Rad Rainbows but we didn't think it was inclusive enough." He explained, shrugging while wearing an embarrassed smile. "But yeah, do you want to go? We always have loads of fun." He paused and then hastily added, "You don't have to be gay or anything to go, allies can come too."

A party full of queer people sounded exactly like the sort of thing I wanted to avoid. I had no problems with queer people, I was just so afraid of people assuming I was queer too. I felt like an asshole for thinking like that. Armin was a good guy and I rarely got invited places. I swallowed hard and put on an unsteady smile, "Sure."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *binders are like super tight undershirts used to bind brests  
> *packers are sort of like fake dicks that one puts in their underwear to create a bulge


	2. Meet Me.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> AU: Modern: All Eren wanted was a fresh start where no one knew him before he was Eren. He's never wanted to be a queer kid but once he accidentally gets involved with Team Queer (an LGBTQ organization), he begins to embrace his identity with help from his new friends and a certain dark haired introvert.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *some definition-y stuff is in the notes at the end, feel free to ask me about anything if you're uncertain though
> 
> ~everybody's queer~  
> ~levi shows up~  
> ~fun times ahead~

I would never admit to the fact I spent a solid two hours pacing around my room with worry, but I did exactly that. All my thoughts about the quickly approaching party were conflicting. I felt like a jerk for not wanting to go but I still didn't want to go. I wanted to have friends and I wanted to be a cliché male but I wasn't particularly good at either of those things. I let out an exasperated sigh and sat on my bed, shoving my face into my hands.

"Should a transphobic transman even go to a queer party anyway?" I mumbled and then laid back onto my bed. Technically I was going to this party anyway. Armin was coming to pick me up in a few hours. I had already decided, so why was this bothering me so much?

It's not like I was intolerant or disrespectful. I did accept and appreciate any gender identity and sexual orientation. If I was going to hate someone, it was because they were rude or cruel. not because of things they couldn't control. I just hated my own situation. I hated how I felt about my own situation.

I finally got off my bed and decided that I could just leave if the party was too stressful. I decided not to shave, which might have been my insecurity talking, but I'd just wear what I was wearing now with a gray plaid long sleeved shirt.  
  
I stared at myself in the mirror for a long time, as much as I wish it was an act of vanity, it was fueled mostly by self doubt. "I'll pass," I told myself, pulling at my shirt, "I'll pass."

There was a soft knock at my door so I hastily shoved my wallet, phone and keys into my pockets.  
  
I opened the door to reveal an extremely well dressed Armin, his hair was doused in gel and it seemed as though he was wearing  fake eyelashes. I whistled when I saw him, "Trying to impress anyone at the party?"  
  
Armin's smile was awkward and looked like it didn't quite fit onto his face, "It's a party full of attractive queer people, Eren," He shrugged shyly, "There isn't anyone I'm _not_ trying to impress."  
  
I laughed, "Alright then. Fair enough."  
  
"My friend Mike is driving us, he's picking up liquor too." Armin cleared his throat and looked around nervously, "Mike said to inform you that he might be a bit hard to deal with," He scratched the back of his head, "He's transgender and transitioning. He didn't do his testosterone shot on time and still hasn't done it, so," Armin's grin looked uncomfortable, "His emotions are a little... off right now?"  
  
I let out a nervous laugh, "No worries." I could relate. I could relate so much I almost felt compelled to say something but I couldn't let myself. I knew too much about the troubles of testosterone but I wasn't ready to admit it.  
  
I found it kind of funny, Armin was talking to me about the things I didn't want to talk about most. I had come to Trost to avoid my trans identity but I was finding myself falling even deeper into it. Part of me felt like it was some kind of sign but part of me also felt really frustrated and nervous.

We headed out to Mike's car and Armin talked about alcohol in a way that made me think he was extremely wary of it. Mike was drumming his fingers against the steering wheel loudly when we reached his dark green minivan. He had a sharp face and blonde hair. If Armin hadn't told me, I never would've known he was trans. I desperately hoped people would see me the same way.

Armin got into the passenger seat and I climbed into the back. The van reeked of pine air freshener and the seats looked relatively new. I sat in the seat behind Armin and began to wonder where the party even was.

"Do you think drinking tonight is a good idea?" Armin asked Mike, giving him a questioning look.

Mike grunted and shrugged half-heartedly. "It's always a good idea."

When we reached the liquor store, I just opted to getting the same thing Mike was. I didn't know much about alcohol but it might make the party more comfortable.

"Everyone's really nice," Armin told me once Mike had gone in, "They're not hard to get along with at all."

I nodded, "Yeah, it seems like it." I looked out the window, "Where's the party at?"

"Not far from here, actually, " Armin replied, "It's at Hanji's. They can be a bit overwhelming but they're a great person, really supportive." Armin suddenly looked embarrassed, "Oh sorry, I'm probably throwing a bunch of new things at you. Hanji identifies as gender neutral and uses 'they' as a pronoun, instead of 'she' or 'he'." He seemed like a pro at explaining this kind of thing, "We usually go around and do names and pronouns, so don't worry. It's okay if you make mistakes too, everyone does. People will usually correct you but not in a mean way or anything."

I didn't know too much about non gender binary identities, but I had looked into them before. I grasped the pronoun thing, having had to correct people for years, but I was glad Armin had told me so I could keep it in mind. "Thanks for letting me know," I told him, "And thanks for, uh, teaching me about this stuff."

"No problem, everyone starts somewhere." Armin sounded pleased by my response and I felt the urge to explain that I knew more than I let on but I just kept my mouth shut.

Mike returned and started driving again. It seemed like we'd barely been driving for a few minutes when we reached a brick house with an extremely well kept garden in the front.

Mike  parked on the street next to the house. The three of us headed to the front door, I could feel myself getting more uneasy with every step closer.

A tall, slender person with auburn dreadlocks and silver glasses opened the front door enthusiastically, only seconds after Armin had knocked. "Armin! Mike!' Their eyes fell on me and then drifted back to Armin, "Good job, Armin, make sure to bring your cute friends anytime." They winked at me and then beckoned the three of us inside.

As soon as we were inside, Hanji started yelling, "Okay everyone! Let's pause the mingling and gay sex so we can do a name and pronoun circle in the living room!"

I followed Armin to the living room and it was quickly becoming full of people.

"I'll start, I'm Hanji. I use 'they' pronouns." Hanji nudged Armin, who was next to them.

Armin smiled, "I'm Armin, I use he or they."

I swallowed, "I'm Eren, I use he."

"Mike, he." Mike was leaning against the wall behind me.

A strawberry blond wearing pale blue went next, "I'm Petra, I prefer she."

"I'm Connie, I prefer he." Connie had a shaved head and it looked like there were studs on everything he was wearing.

A long haired brunette wearing bright yellow went next, "I'm Sasha, I use 'ze'."

"Reiner, I go by 'he'." Reiner had short blond hair and was wearing a red bow tie.

Someone tall with spiked up brown hair spoke, "I'm Bertodt. I prefer 'he'."

"Annie, she." The blond girl was wearing all black and her voice sounded disinterested.

A dark haired guy with a stern face went next, "Gunther, I use 'he'."

"Marco, I prefer 'he'." Marco had short brown hair and a friendly smile.

An individual with an undercut and extremely tight jeans went next, "I'm Jean. They."

A muscular blond stood up from the couch, "And I'm Erwin, I go by 'he'."

Hanji clapped their hands together, "Some people are showing up later but I thought it was best to do one before anyone got too tipsy. Go enjoy yourselves, people!"

This all seemed so natural to them, like it was a reflex. I was glad to be around accepting people but I had no idea how this night could play out.  
  
When Mike gave me my bottle of gin I felt more than ready for it.  
  
"Let's do a shot together, newbie." He suggested and I followed him to Hanji's kitchen. It was small and painted bright orange.  
  
He poured us two shots of gin and once I had done my first one I was thinking that there probably wouldn't be a second. Mixed drinks would probably taste a million times better. I felt like I had drank hand sanitizer.  
  
"What do you think so far, Eren?" Mike asked before taking a swig of his gin bottle.  
  
Hanji had put out plastic cups and an assortment of sodas so I started making myself a mixed drink. "Everyone seems pretty cool."

Mike nodded, "Good." He left the kitchen, alcohol in hand.

After I had gotten my drink ready, I went to find Armin, who was still in the living room, talking to Hanji and Erwin.

"Eren!" Hanji exclaimed, clasping me on the back, "We were just talking about how you gallantly saved our Armin here from our foe, homophobia."

"Thank you for not just being a bystander," Erwin said, smiling at me.

I wasn't sure how to respond. All I had really done was get punched in the face and yell a few swear words at the guy. "Armin's cool, he doesn't deserve to be treated like that. No one does."

"I can smell the activist in you, Eren," Hanji stated, nodding, "You reek of justice."

A ringtone went off and Erwin fished his phone out of his pocket, "Hello?" His face grew sour, "Where are you exactly?" He started walking away and Hanji was directly behind him.

Armin and I headed to the kitchen so he could get himself a drink. Sasha, Connie, Marco and Jean were all in the kitchen when we got there. Everyone seemed to have the same idea as Armin.  
  
"And it was the eighth time that someone said "like kitchen pans?" when I told them I was pansexual." Sasha was saying while stirring zir drink. "This time I just said "yeah, really attractive baking tools"."  
  
Everyone chuckled at her words. "Pan means all, people really need to use google." Armin commented, shaking his head.  
  
"When I told my mom I was gay, she said 'like Neil Patrick Harris?'" Marco was smiling as he sighed, "Now she expects me to do everything that he does."  
  
I had finished my drink and was quickly preparing another. I felt like I was in a whole new environment. While I tried so hard to forget that I was queer, they embraced their identities. I felt like a black sheep.  
  
"What are you drinking, Eren?" Connie asked me as I took a few sips from my cup.  
  
Even when mixed, I could still taste it strongly. "Gin, it kind of tastes like rubbing alcohol to me, honestly."

Jean snorted, "Sounds like you can't hold your alcohol." Their voice sounded so conceited and patronizing that it bothered me.

"Not really, I can just admit when something tastes like shit." I replied, giving Jean a challenging stare.

The rest of the room started laughing. Jean flushed and looked away from me. I hadn't meant to be mean but sometimes I can't control my temper. Maybe I was a little defensive, I had always had to be.

"I'll give you a shot of my whiskey if you give me some of your gin," Marco offered, "I've always wanted to try gin."

Once I had given Marco a shot of gin and he gave me one of whiskey, I was feeling a lot more intoxicated. I felt a bit more calm but not as calm as I wanted to be.

Armin went back out to the living room and I went after him. "Sorry about Jean," He said to me once we were both sitting on Hanji's suede couch. "They can be, well, a jerk."

"There are jerks everywhere," I responded, shrugging, "Marco seems pretty nice, Sasha and Connie too."

Armin seemed to relax after my response. He slouched back in the chair, "Are you uncomfortable, Eren? Did I totally blindside you with this?"

"No, no, no." I might've spoke too hastily, "I just don't go to parties much."

Armin nodded, "I get that."

"So you use the 'they' pronoun as well as 'he'?" I cleared my throat, "I can totally use 'they' if you want, I mean, if that's what you go by."

Armin smiled at me, "You're just too great, Eren, you know that?" He took a few sips of his drink, "I just don't really relate with the whole gender binary thing. I feel like I'm a guy, but also not? I don't know. Figuring yourself out is difficult."

My throat suddenly felt really dry. "Yeah, makes sense." My voice felt unfamiliar to me. I stood up, "I'm feeling kind of sick, just going to go grab some air."

Armin stood up as well, looking concerned, "Are you okay? The door to the deck is in the kitchen, if you just want to go out there."

"I'm good, thanks, I'll do that." I started shuffling out the living room, constantly zigzagging around small groups of people.

I had managed to get outside for some air that didn't reek of alcohol and sweat. At least that's what I told myself, the confusion and new information made it hard to breathe no matter what the air conditions were like. Being intoxicated on top of that just felt like a recipe for a panic attack. Why was I so nervous? I didn't want to be a nervous person. I didn't want this to all feel so overwhelming. Accepting myself still didn't seem like a possibility but these people made me want to try. I swallowed hard, I still felt desperate to keep it all a secret.  
  
My thoughts were interrupted as I was shoved forcefully to the side by a short guy with black hair as he came out to the deck, "Out of my way, you little shit." He managed to grumble before projectile vomiting off the deck.  
  
I stared at him for a while, it seemed like he could puke forever. It sounded extremely unpleasant and I definitely cringed more than once.  
  
Once he was finished, he turned to me with an irritated expression, "What are you gawking at? Shouldn't you be inside socializing like a good little boy?"  
  
My mouth felt horridly dry. This guy pissed me off; I wasn't doing anything wrong. I clenched my fists and met his gaze with a cool stare, "I was never really good at 'should's."  
  
He raised an eyebrow and his hostile look was replaced with a curious one, "Oh really?"

"Yeah," I retorted, "And you're the one puking off a deck, I'm just standing here."

He snickered, "So sorry to get in the way of your fucking sainthood."

"What the fuck is your problem?" I spat. I was annoyed. This guy felt impossible to deal with.

He took a step towards me, "Want a list or a brief summary?"

I didn't know how to reply. I took a sip of the drink I was still clutching and wished that this dark haired stranger would just go away.

"You must be one angsty young adult novel yourself," He shrugged, "You stayed out here and watched me vomit instead of going inside. Which means you have a love for puke or you really don't want to go inside. And neither of those options are overflowing with sanity."

I glowered at him, "Well thanks for the psych evaluation." I side stepped around him, fuming and ready to go back inside just to get away from this asshole.

"Wait." His voice sounded quiet and slurred.

I stopped and turned back to him, looking at him expectedly.

"You're new, I'm guessing," He was staring at me, "I would remember such a sour face."

"Clearly we haven't met. I would've remembered to avoid you if we had." I nearly growled my words. I didn't want to be an angry drinker but this guy was pushing me.

When he took a few steps toward me, I realized I was quite a bit taller than him. He pulled something out of his pocket and then took a lighter out of the other one. This guy just lit up a joint in front of me.

"You're smoking weed right now." I found myself saying slowly.

He took a long drag off his joint and rolled his eyes, "Wow. Observant of you. Want a gold star?" He offered me the joint.

"You're offering some of your weed to me?"

He let out an irritated sigh, "Are you going to narrate or participate?"

I wasn't sure how I wound up splitting a joint with this guy, but it somehow happened. We passed it back and forth in complete silence.

"Who are you, by the way?" He asked casually, as if it was barely important. He pulled a black flask out of his back pocket and chugged a few mouthfuls.

I felt more than a little affected by the weed. "I'm Eren. And you are...?"

"Levi." He took another swig of his flask, "Don't be pissy if I don't remember your name, I might not even remember most of this."

I shrugged. I was stoned enough to feel pretty good. I opened my mouth and words I didn't intend to say came out, "It's probably easier to forget than remember. I mean, memories take up space in your brain. Forgetting is effortless. Sometimes you don't even know what you forgot because you forgot what you forgot." I took a sip of my drink, "I just used forgot like, three times in one phrase. _Now_ I want a gold star."

Levi edged closer to me, "I don't get you," He literally fell onto me. I was standing there trying to hold up my weight and his. I awkwardly shifted around so that his arm was around my shoulder. I felt far too drunk and stoned to have to deal with a passed out Levi.

I slowly dragged myself and him inside the house, Hanji was in the kitchen. They turned to me when I entered, a bewildered expression on their face. "Is that Levi?"

I nodded, "Yeah, do you think he's okay?"

Hanji sighed, "He gets like this a lot. He'll survive." They pointed down the hallway connected to the kitchen, "There's a spare room at the end of the hall, he can sleep there."

Levi, in all honesty, wasn't that heavy, so carrying him down the hall wasn't too physically demanding. I set him on the bed and went back to the kitchen to grab a glass of water. I set it on the bed side table and stared at the sleeping guy in front of me. He was still wearing his shoes so I pulled them off him and put them next to the bed. I took the blanket at the end of the bed and covered him with it.

I told myself that I'd go back to the party once I had made sure he was okay, but I still felt kind of worried about the guy. I decided I'd stay here for a bit, just until I felt assured that he really was okay.

I sat on the floor with my back against a closet. I listened to his breathing, it was steady and comforting to hear. I kept listening and listening that before I knew it, I'd fallen asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Non-Binary Genders- gender identities that don't fit within the accepted binary of male and female. People can feel they are both, neither, or some mixture thereof. It might be easier to view gender as a 1-dimensional spectrum with male on one end, female on the other, and androgyne in the middle- but the reality is that gender is more complex, and 3-dimensional models with axes for male, female, and how strongly you feel attached to that gender identity have been suggested. [http://gender.wikia.com/wiki/Non-binary]  
> *here's a song about pansexuality- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qMFGWD9tPVg  
> *ze/zir/hir is a gender neutral pronoun  
> *if you have any questions, feel free to ask me~~


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